Update: it started draining about an hour before going to Urgent Care and the doctor squeezed a bit and gave me an oral antibiotic prescription. I'm sorry I didnt record it. Also here's another hat for you cornballs.
A fatty lipoma formed in my labia. Doctors thought it was a bartholian cyst before I had an ultrasound and a bunch of different people look at it. Sharing in case anyone else has/had this annoying thing. Very rare placement, apparently. Surgeory to come!