You didn’t “end up” like this by accident, a lifetime of being overlooked, talked over, and quietly dismissed built a man whose body matches exactly how little presence he has in every room he enters.
The results are in… You are unfortunately most definitely suffering from betabitchclitfordickitis. There is also no cure yet at this time. Maybe in a few years when medical technology advances…
You keep telling yourself love is about connection, but deep down you’re terrified someone will see you fully and quietly lose interest once the illusion fades.