I thought I could beat a woman at chess, but she put me in my place and reduced me to tears. This is my public apology, and my recognition of my own inferiority. Thank you for making me your chess bitch.
After a long and arduous journey, I've been secretly smuggled into Riverbed. The Queen took great delight in letting out her stresses on me, but found I was making too much noise. Even gagged with her dirty sock, I couldn't keep myself quiet.
I know that the chefs have been hard at work preparing for the Queen's State Dinner, but everything I've tried so far tastes terrible. I will offer my own suggestions for the menu...
