I have been informed that someone broke into my private liquor stash at the palace and stole a bunch of my booze, and that they also raided my nacho cupboard. The Cadets are harshly interrogating all palace pigs to make sure it was not an inside job.
An attack against the Head of the State is an attack against me! I have signed an emergency ordering banning free men from buying eggs and prohibiting them from entering a supermarket without Goddess supervision.
So, I know Portlandia is a dreadful, savage place, where dangerous men roam wild without proper feminine rule. But just think how much better it could be, if they only had the right powerful woman in charge, to whip them into shape. Perfect job for an as
