As per the request from our Head of State, the pig responsible for preventing the Queen's parade has been publicly crucified by the Cadets. He will be fed only 150 calories a day in kale and then sent to the mines once the parade is over. For the time b
*Press Release* Our office has been given reliable intel that the Wrens have been conducting training exercises between Freya and Venus. Some speculate that this has to do with the Queen's recent tax increases.
I have been informed that someone broke into my private liquor stash at the palace and stole a bunch of my booze, and that they also raided my nacho cupboard. The Cadets are harshly interrogating all palace pigs to make sure it was not an inside job.
Only one single pig was kind enough to wish me a Happy Women's Day. Tomorrow, food rations will be cut by 75%. Maybe starving a bit will teach you pigs some manners!
