Sir, The past 12 days has seen our private club gain 3,000 new members. I note that, following my story regarding the maid who was pissing in my hat, we lost 18 members. I apologise for my most vulgar report, and in penance I would like to share a work o nudes
Sir, Lady B____ reports a fault with her screen, whereupon it wobbles while she is dressing. "Only while dressing?" "Yes". I summon maid Harriet to assist me in recreating the problem, and do you know it took us nigh on an hour to discover the loose
Sirs et Madames, We welcome all new guests to our club - over 800 of you in this past day. It has become a trifle crowded with newcomers at present, so I have opened the Dashwood room. It is a little dusty, but is most cavernous. My staff are already in
Sir, I have hired two Italian chefs to give my luncheon greater variety. The chefs are currently banging and crashing around in the kitchen - presumably the Italian way - and I am in great anticipation of what exciting new experiences they may introduce
Gentlemen, can you recommend a lawn care method? I was not pleased with the sheep - although they did a fine job of keeping the verge trimmed, their deposits attracted flies most egregiously. I then attempt the use of a dedicated gardener; however this s
Sir, Encouraged by other members of this esteemed club I have obtained a brochure from Mssrs Thos Cook and Sons. The 'Nile Voyage' offers a paddle steamer cruise to Luxor and Aswan. I enclose details of the First Class Smoking Lounge.
Sir, A communique from my friend 'Gussy' Herbert, presently embracing the cultural delights of Paris. He is saving money by sharing his Dollymop with two other clients. Gussy (reclining) appears most overwhelmed by the experience.
Sir, the lady of the house expresses her disatisfaction with her weighing scales. A new type of bathroom machine arrives from Avery & Co. Upon reading the fine illustrated instructions it appears robust enough for two or more persons.
