So, I know Portlandia is a dreadful, savage place, where dangerous men roam wild without proper feminine rule. But just think how much better it could be, if they only had the right powerful woman in charge, to whip them into shape. Perfect job for an as
*Private Journal Entry* My apartment smells like a fucking greenhouse because of Lockcock's constant pot use. He is using because of his PTSD from being left on the whipping post for 6 months. I want this mentally ill motherfucker out of my apartment. W
*Press Release* Clinical studies have proven that the concept of 'blue balls' is a myth. In reality, it is just entitled pigs having a tantrum. Pigs cannot be trusted when it comes to their own sexual gratification.
The pig chefs are hard at work, making sure that Queen Alex's State Dinner will be absolutely perfect! It will be once I offer up a few suggestions to the recipes.
I have been informed that someone broke into my private liquor stash at the palace and stole a bunch of my booze, and that they also raided my nacho cupboard. The Cadets are harshly interrogating all palace pigs to make sure it was not an inside job.
